Life’s Rules

So while I was in bed the other night, listening to the tornado sirens going off and vaguely considering getting out of bed – I decided instead to snuggle deeper under the covers for protection against glass should the window go – I wondered why this semester seems so different from the last. I’m unmotivated, undisturbed at the prospect of ‘Bs’ and actually asked for an extension on a paper because I waited till the last-minute and was embarrassed to turn it in without further refinements.

I’ve become a slacker, albeit a selective one. I’m still working and volunteering many hours weekly, and I interviewed and finalized my summer crew with 2+ months to spare. I made a concerted effort to find more balance in my life but only succeeded in cutting into my sleep time. Could it be that I’m already burned out after just 1.5 semesters in? I still have over a year to go … and that’s just for this degree!

After all my ups and downs this past year, I jointly developed a two-part rule with a dear friend as a possible guide in dealing with life’s blows. The rules were meant to keep us from becoming cynical about life, though at first glance, it might appear that we already are.

Rule #1a: Expect less from yourself

I often set up ridiculously high expectations for myself and am disappointed on a fairly regular basis. But these are standards I would never impose on anyone else, because these expectations are mildly retarded. I know this when I sit back and evaluate with a clear-ish mind. It’s possible that I set myself up to fail because I expect myself to. When I’m feeling cavalier, I’d claim to want to push my limits to see what I’m made of. More likely though, I prefer to stress myself out in trying to attain impossible goals, so I don’t have to deal with other things in my life gone awry. In the process, I have found that I am still capable of surprising myself every now and then. I like that. I hope I continue to be unexpected, undefined and un-box-able.

Rule #1b: Expect less from others

Today, this rule took on a new meaning and a new low. I am deeply disappointed, but not surprised. Hurt but not morose. Angry but not petulant. Sometimes, people suck. If being a good friend comes at a high expense to yourself, find new friends.

It’s time to clean house. It is Spring after all. The daffodils are blooming, and life is calling out for some company.